voice ||

[rrrrangerrick]

Look. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. But I'm only sayin' it once, and I'm gonna say it real slow, so all of you better clean the crap outta your ears and listen up.

I get that there ain't no money. Actual money. But what I'm sayin' is, if you ain't got nothin' to trade, why the hell would you go around wasting somebody's time.

Like, it's like common friggin' decency to bring with you what you got to trade. No, 'oh, whoops guess I left it at home', no, 'oh, it's in the pocket of my other crappy shapeless pants'-- gettin' it to me in a day ain't an option, I don't care if it's your laundry day, if you're waitin' for some big payoff, I don't care if you got twelve kids--that's your own damn fault--I don't care if you're fresh outta the tube. If you wanna buy something from someone? If you bring in your crappy little console, and you want it fixed up real quick so you can get your ass back to work, and you hustle me along and talk real big and then when it comes time to pay up, and you give me some sad sack story? [SLOWLY AND LOUDLY:] I don't work for free. Nobody here better be workin' for free, and if they are, congratulations, you found yourself a sucker. Charity is for suckers.

Okay? Are we clear? 'Cause the next idiot that comes to me askin' for a handout is gonna get it, and I don't mean free frickin' labor. [SIGH.] Jeez. It's like nobody got a brain. Workin' with a buncha stupid fleshy kids. Hardly even seems worth it...

[grumbling trails off into nothing.]

Comments

audio;

[hacker]

Are you new? There's not a whole lot of Ashleys and Mikes around.

audio; HOVER MENU SUBSCRIPTION when will i learn

[rrrrangerrick]

Okay, but he seriously introduced himself as Star Lord. Like, with a straight face and everything? And you didn't laugh?

[like he might laugh right now just thinking about it]

audio;

[retrofire]

Says the guy named Rocket.

[ LEAVE HIS DUMB NAME ALONE. ]

And I didn't say anything. She said you didn't exist.

audio;

[hacker]

I said aliens were probably programs. [ Don't be so dramatic, Quill. ]

audio;

[retrofire]

I'm not a program, either.

[ Theory fucked right there, man. ]

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

Hey, I ain't a program neither. Or an alien.

[also this is probably more for Quill than her but it still has to be said--]

And Rocket is a great name. There's nothin' wrong with Rocket. What's wrong with Rocket?

audio;

[hacker]

From where I'm sitting? A lot of things. [ oooooh sick burn. ] I don't wanna keep you all day.

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

[whAT]

Name one.

audio;

[hacker]

Have you met you?

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

I'm what's wrong with my name.

Lady, that is circular god damn reasoning.

audio;

[hacker]

Strictly speaking, you opened yourself right up to that one. [ Seriously, "what's wrong with Rocket?" Everything. Everything. ]

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

I did not.

Anyways, your list sucks.

audio;

[hacker]

I'm shocked that you think so

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

Oh, ha ha ha ha ha haaaa.

What the hell's your name anyways.

audio;

[hacker]

Quake.

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

Seriously?

audio;

[hacker]

Oh, like you can talk! Your name is Rocket.

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

Yeah, and it's a way better name. Ain't nobody gonna be in-tim-i-dated by some chick named Quake?

audio;

[hacker]

Yeah, I can see how that would be a problem if I wanted people to be intimidated by me on impact.

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

No, instead you're goin' for lameness on impact. And boy, are you succeeding.

audio;

[hacker]

Says the guy going for the Guinness Book of World Records' Bad First Impression.

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

Oh, like I really care what you think of me. Like there's a world out there where I'd actually care.

audio;

[hacker]

All that not caring hasn't done anything to shut you up, I notice.

audio;

[rrrrangerrick]

What, I ain't allowed to defend myself?

audio;

[hacker]

Why would you defend yourself if you don't care?