subsystem | voice ||

Look. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. But I'm only sayin' it once, and I'm gonna say it real slow, so all of you better clean the crap outta your ears and listen up.

I get that there ain't no money. Actual money. But what I'm sayin' is, if you ain't got nothin' to trade, why the hell would you go around wasting somebody's time.

Like, it's like common friggin' decency to bring with you what you got to trade. No, 'oh, whoops guess I left it at home', no, 'oh, it's in the pocket of my other crappy shapeless pants'-- gettin' it to me in a day ain't an option, I don't care if it's your laundry day, if you're waitin' for some big payoff, I don't care if you got twelve kids--that's your own damn fault--I don't care if you're fresh outta the tube. If you wanna buy something from someone? If you bring in your crappy little console, and you want it fixed up real quick so you can get your ass back to work, and you hustle me along and talk real big and then when it comes time to pay up, and you give me some sad sack story? [SLOWLY AND LOUDLY:] I don't work for free. Nobody here better be workin' for free, and if they are, congratulations, you found yourself a sucker. Charity is for suckers.

Okay? Are we clear? 'Cause the next idiot that comes to me askin' for a handout is gonna get it, and I don't mean free frickin' labor. [SIGH.] Jeez. It's like nobody got a brain. Workin' with a buncha stupid fleshy kids. Hardly even seems worth it...

[grumbling trails off into nothing.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

It's like your taking the small print and blowing it up. In audio, too, [William says.] That's really helpful.

What is it you've got for trade?

[ Things that are weirdly familiar: this guy's voice, yelling, loudly. ]

You ever worked for an IOU?

Thanks. [Or something.] Wasn't going for helpful, but thanks. And this ain't no advertisement either, this is a warning. I'm real tired of people wasting my time.

[A beat. And then he sighs. Unseen, he's rubbing his temples.]

Tech. I do tech. Rebuilds, mods, stuff from scratch... blah blah. You name it, I do it. Or I would. If it was worth doing, which it barely is around here.

Do I ever work--

Ask me that again. Go ahead. Ask me.

Have you ever worked for an IOU.

[ VERY. SLOWLY. and helpfully (not). ]

[VERY LOUDLY and unhelpfully]

HA HA HA HA, NO. And I never will, so take it somewhere else, ya jackass.

[ Moment of truth. Although honestly, that ha ha ha ha has him like, 80% convinced. ]

Really. Because I heard you'd do it for four billion units. Four-way split.

What! That is ridiculous! That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! And what's more, it's insulting! Like there's ever any way that I'd take that deal! And what kinda idiot told you that I'd--

[wwwwwwait]

Quill?

It does sound like they were trying to rip you off.

[ Probably. Mostly, Crowley just wants to press his buttons, though. ]

[ This definitely isn't an emotional moment, he is 100% chill. ]

Oh my god— [ Pause while he fumbles with the device, then it switches to video. He looks annoyed, mostly. ]

Do you got any idea how long I've been putting up with people telling me one of my best friends was a freaking program? If you weren't unplugged yesterday, so help me—

What service is you provide.

( the lack of a question mark is not a typographical issue but rather an equal lack of inflection. anya isn't after anything in particular so much as her interest is twigged and she wants to prod him with a stick to see if there's anything else interesting, or if the speed of his speech might just be useful to practise grasping english. )

You gotta be kidding me. You gotta--

[Zero feelings on this end as well, thanks. Especially zero feelings on that 'one of my best friends' thing. And also some fumbling, and Rocket takes a little longer to get his video sorted out--a lot of darkness and camera-pressed-against-the-inside-of-a-paw-I-mean-hand--]

Don't you start. How long you been puttin' up with it? Guess how long I been puttin' up with, 'cause I guarantee you, Quill, I seriously guarantee you, that it's been longer than you.

[And FINALLY he gets his camera sorted out, and fixes Peter with an equally annoyed expression that is entirely devoid of, you know, fur and whiskers and stuff.]

You ain't earned the right to start bitchin'.

You got no idea. And what's worse is, they just don't stop! You tell them no, and it's like that encourages them, like they're gonna wear me down. They're not.

But no-ooo, don't matter. They just keep goin' on, and on, with the sob stories.

[He'll find some way to mention the tell-tale lack of inflection (accent? whatever) later, right now he just

sighs.]

Answer service. You ask a question, I give an answer. Tech, I do tech. Mods, rebuilds, whatever. I feel like I already said this. Did I already say this? Oh, yeah. I did.

People used to try to do that to me in my old business.

[ Oh, no. Please let me keep my soul. Pathetic. ]

No one's tried in my current one yet, though. Meanwhile, honest men like you and I work for a living.

( accent also. russian, mostly. )

You speak very quickly.

( neither an excuse nor a reproach, just. baldly matter of fact. )

"For suckers".

Oh, you're welcome, [William answers benignly. It's not so often that he talks to someone who's rubbing their temples for reasons other than himself, so he might as well enjoy it.] Any rate, it sounds like you're doing good work but you ain't getting paid.

Have you considered hiring some muscle?

Oh, I don't know about all that.

[ Her voice is perfectly sweet. ]

After all, if you show someone a bit of kindness now, they might show a bit to you later on, when you're in bad circumstances. Or they'll show it to someone else. Really, charity spreads a bit of goodwill, I'd say, and that's worth it, isn't it?

Goodness, keep that level of excitement up and you'll rupture something. Although if you did need to pay a doctor I suppose you'd be subsidizing the economy! So on second thought maybe there's a silver lining.

Edited 2015-05-10 23:41 (UTC)

robotics?

[this is painful because he misses his actual muscle :(

just kidding it's not painful, he's totally fine. he's had four years of missing his muscle, he is so over it (sort of).]

What, you think I can't be my own muscle? I can be my own muscle. That's what this is about. Bringing awareness to these idiots.

["Honest" whoooa buddy let's not be so liberal with that word, but. Sure okay he can go with it.

(Also: "men".)]

Yeah, well, they ain't gonna be tryin' it with me no more. I'm callin' an end to this kid crap they're tryna play on me.

So what's your secret?

Yeah? And you speak real bad, but you don't hear me complainin' about it.

[except for the roundabout complaint right there, but whatever!]

It helps, talkin' quickly. It's what we like to call an economy of words. Means you can fit 'em all in so you don't gotta waste more of your breath explaining yourself to morons. Like I'm doing.

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