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Look. I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. But I'm only sayin' it once, and I'm gonna say it real slow, so all of you better clean the crap outta your ears and listen up.

I get that there ain't no money. Actual money. But what I'm sayin' is, if you ain't got nothin' to trade, why the hell would you go around wasting somebody's time.

Like, it's like common friggin' decency to bring with you what you got to trade. No, 'oh, whoops guess I left it at home', no, 'oh, it's in the pocket of my other crappy shapeless pants'-- gettin' it to me in a day ain't an option, I don't care if it's your laundry day, if you're waitin' for some big payoff, I don't care if you got twelve kids--that's your own damn fault--I don't care if you're fresh outta the tube. If you wanna buy something from someone? If you bring in your crappy little console, and you want it fixed up real quick so you can get your ass back to work, and you hustle me along and talk real big and then when it comes time to pay up, and you give me some sad sack story? [SLOWLY AND LOUDLY:] I don't work for free. Nobody here better be workin' for free, and if they are, congratulations, you found yourself a sucker. Charity is for suckers.

Okay? Are we clear? 'Cause the next idiot that comes to me askin' for a handout is gonna get it, and I don't mean free frickin' labor. [SIGH.] Jeez. It's like nobody got a brain. Workin' with a buncha stupid fleshy kids. Hardly even seems worth it...

[grumbling trails off into nothing.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It does sound like they were trying to rip you off.

[ Probably. Mostly, Crowley just wants to press his buttons, though. ]

You got no idea. And what's worse is, they just don't stop! You tell them no, and it's like that encourages them, like they're gonna wear me down. They're not.

But no-ooo, don't matter. They just keep goin' on, and on, with the sob stories.

People used to try to do that to me in my old business.

[ Oh, no. Please let me keep my soul. Pathetic. ]

No one's tried in my current one yet, though. Meanwhile, honest men like you and I work for a living.

["Honest" whoooa buddy let's not be so liberal with that word, but. Sure okay he can go with it.

(Also: "men".)]

Yeah, well, they ain't gonna be tryin' it with me no more. I'm callin' an end to this kid crap they're tryna play on me.

So what's your secret?

My secret? People were pulling it on me when they thought I was a demon, so there isn't much that can really be done to deter the stupid, though you could try to force them to owe you favors and then milk that for all it's worth.

[demon. huh. that's a new one.]

You wanna know what sucks about favors? When the son of a bitch dies an untimely death 'cause he's too stupid to live, that favor expires. I ain't about to submit myself to bein' cheated twice.

[ Crowley laughs, low and hearty. ]

It's certainly a gamble. There are some people who are juts too suicidal to take that sort of trust with.

Suicidal or stupid. 'Cause I'm seein' more of stupid.

That's often a blurred line, but I see a fair amount of both.

I dunno. If you're stupid? You don't even know you're bein' suicidal. You're just actin' like a tool, and then you happen to get killed 'cause you pissed off the wrong person. Licked the wrong plug. Didn't run fast enough. Whatever you did that was idiotic enough to get you dumped in your shallow-ass grave.

Where if you're suicidal, you're findin' all that stuff willingly, and man, that is a whole different set of issues, I ain't even goin' there. No way, see--it's the stupid tools you gotta watch out for.

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